I have unfortunately been bitten by the drunk, obnoxious American teenager bug and have taken to watching Jersey Shore…I know…WTH. But I have found that I am now hooked and cannot avert my eyes when the cliché and totally unexpected drama unfolds. If you have never watched an episode, good on ya mate, but basically the cast portray the attitudes and values of people from New Jersey…jokes…they are some of the best and brightest of New Jersey (cue laughter), JK. But in all seriousness, I have carefully analysed each of the cast members and here is what I’ve come up, which will most likely prevent anyone who doesn’t already watch Jersey Shore, from watching Jersey Shore…sorry.
MIKE “The Situation” is probably the most mature person out of them all and is a good leader…to herd up all the girls when they get drunk in the club. The Situation also has tank abs (YOU GOT NOTHIN ON ME PUNK) and has a nice face; not attractive, just one that you can look at without puking, unlike the others…
NICOLE “Snookie” has nice hair but an ugly face. She also left her boyfriend when she came on Jersey Shore which was dumb because he called one night telling her that he had cheated on her…dumbass….or stupidhead, as Snookie likes to say
VINNY is probably the most attractive out of all the Jersey Shore people…and that says a lot…A LOT....BEACAUSE HE'S NOT VERY ATTRACTIVE
JENNI “JWoww” has big lips and big boobs…you can’t see or hear anything past her boobs and her lips so that’s all I gotta say about her.
PAULY D has rank hair…not in a good way. He spends aaaages on it in the mornings and uses probably half a pottle of hair gel…but that’s his problem.
ANGELINA is ugly, has as much personality as a dead fish and is plain dumb. She also has a fringe that brings shame to all people with fringes...*cringe*
RONNIE is fat and thinks he’s real skux but he ain’t….he’s just fat. He also goes out with Sammi, but then goes to the club and makes out with all these girls…DESPERATE
SAMMI “Sweetheart” is the nicest out of all the Jersey Shore people, maybe because she wears glasses, which makes her seem remotely normal. She goes out with Ronnie, but has no idea what goes down when he leaves her to go to the club…maybe she’s not as smart as she seems…
MIKE “The Situation” is probably the most mature person out of them all and is a good leader…to herd up all the girls when they get drunk in the club. The Situation also has tank abs (YOU GOT NOTHIN ON ME PUNK) and has a nice face; not attractive, just one that you can look at without puking, unlike the others…
NICOLE “Snookie” has nice hair but an ugly face. She also left her boyfriend when she came on Jersey Shore which was dumb because he called one night telling her that he had cheated on her…dumbass….or stupidhead, as Snookie likes to say
VINNY is probably the most attractive out of all the Jersey Shore people…and that says a lot…A LOT....BEACAUSE HE'S NOT VERY ATTRACTIVE
JENNI “JWoww” has big lips and big boobs…you can’t see or hear anything past her boobs and her lips so that’s all I gotta say about her.
PAULY D has rank hair…not in a good way. He spends aaaages on it in the mornings and uses probably half a pottle of hair gel…but that’s his problem.
ANGELINA is ugly, has as much personality as a dead fish and is plain dumb. She also has a fringe that brings shame to all people with fringes...*cringe*
RONNIE is fat and thinks he’s real skux but he ain’t….he’s just fat. He also goes out with Sammi, but then goes to the club and makes out with all these girls…DESPERATE
SAMMI “Sweetheart” is the nicest out of all the Jersey Shore people, maybe because she wears glasses, which makes her seem remotely normal. She goes out with Ronnie, but has no idea what goes down when he leaves her to go to the club…maybe she’s not as smart as she seems…
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