Don't get your knickers in a twist

I know I've said this before but people really need to know what words really mean when they use them.
Let's use the word 'literally' - the Oxford English Dictionary definition: 
Literally - adverb
In a literal manner or sense;exactly.
EXACTLY. That means WITHOUT exaggeration.  So when your friend tells you 'Oh my god I literally peed myself laughing' that sentence really means they actually urinated while they were laughing.  Which hopefully, was not the case. 


Also, why do people say things like 'keep your hair on' and 'don't get your knickers in a twist' when you get mad?
Do you know anyone who stats twisting their underwear when they get fustrated?  How would they even manage to do that?!  And keep you hair on? ON? as if my hair where simply placed on my head and very easy to remove?  Yes, everytime I get upset, I remove my hair - because I can do that.  My God.

Hey...

Here i am...no i didn't die...
well i am someone else's house..who it doesn't matter but all i know is that THEY HAVE A MOUSE WITH WATER AND A LITTLE RUBBER DUCKIE IN IT!!!
EPIC!

:*

my face literally did this ( :* ) when I was finishing my Greek Tales book.

Who wants to hear of the almighty Hercules/Heracles? Well, gather round, children.

After killing all the scary monsters and completing the hardest 12 tasks OF ALL TIME, he ended up a slave to a Queen Omphale where he was forced to wear women's clothing and weave clothes.

YES, HERCULES BECAME A TRANNY.

thus ends the story of perhaps the greatest hero ever.

OMG 3

It's WAR.

War on Terror - Excessive paranoia, see: George Bush.

Coup - ironic. In a coop, the chickens go in, but in a coup, the chickens get out.

Death - the longest thing everyone has to wait for.

Miley Cyrus - invention of the Taliban to take the attention off the middle east while they plot sneakily and talk about the latest Top Model scandal.

Just War - Yes; your all-loving, all-caring deity DOES want you to kill other people for him/her/them.

I've had a crush on you for awhile but I couldn't admit it.. I took a picture of your name written on my body and put it here: www.bit.ly/h1sQWw?799975523 sign up and search for ohmybored guess who i am

ahhh. a freak?

Anything and everything. Just ask it.

Silly Me.

There is a reason why I’m writing a blog at six thirty in the morning.  It was a series of events really.  There is a reason why I’m ready to go to school at six thirty in the morning.  Same series of events.

So if you’ve been keeping up to date, you’ll know that last night I got myself into a bit of a pickle with my parents.  I half patched it up with my dad when I did some work for him and amazed him with my Photoshop skills.  And for that I earned $30.  (Actually, that’s kinda what the spat was about – none of them had bothered following up on the IRD number thingymabob that I had applied for months ago.. But that’s not the point…)  But my mom’s kind of scary so I thought I’d just lock myself in my room and wallow in my own self-pity.

And then I came up with this plan.  This plan that could avoid having to confront those glaring eyes altogether until tonight, a time by which she would’ve calmed down and such. 

Here’s the plan.

Luckily, my sister has to be at school by 7:30 this morn.  And I have to cut this short because I’m in a rush.  But anyway, so I woke up at 5:30 (I don’t even know why I bother to tell you all this nonsense…) was showered, dressed and ready by 6.  Amazing.  I’m usually a procrastinator when it comes to waking up (amongst other things…) usually waking up at the latest possible moment that would still allow me for a decent lengthed shower..

Gotta fly.  Hope you enjoyed wasting a few minutes of your life on this!

Social Experiment

People Google ridiculous things – like ‘is it bad to drink dishwashing detergent’

Well of course it isn’t..

See that?  That’s the disapproving face of Mr Felton himself.  MALFOY IS NOT AMUSED.

I mean COME ON PEOPLE.  YOU DO NOT DRINK DETERGENT.
But enough of that. 

Anyway, I thought I’d try this out and see if other people will come onto our blog just because they Google random things…  Excuse the randomness, but I’m currently locked in my room because I shouted at the rents because they were arguing with each other like little children, and now I’m too scared to face the fury.  ANYWAY.  (And if you’re serious about getting some answers, I’ve linked them up for you.)

• I eat my toenails, is that bad?
• Songs to sing in the shower?
• Can I teach my dog english?
• I talk to my bedsheets, is that weird?
• My computer fell on the ground, is it broken?
• Is my finger itchy?
• No, my finger is not itchy.
• Is Superman gay?
• Is Pikachu real?
• Is Edward Cullen a mermaid?

And if you’ve landed here because of your Googling… Well…

Enough said.

Paranoid?

I sure am.  Good thing we have that handy Feedjit app down there.

Three things. 

1. Some person in Auckland last week – Googled my name, missed out the ‘Domingo’ and apparently they were looking for my tumblr.

2. Some person in Lower Hutt last night – Googled my name again, without the tumblr part, just my name.  Is someone out there checking up on me?  Trying to find some sort of criminal activity or something?

3. I was walking to the fabric store today – something that’s become a bit of an unwanted habit lately.  Some WGC girls were walking past – didn’t know any of them.  And then I hear one of them go ‘I know that girl, her name’s Ruth.’  BUT I DIDN’T KNOW THE GIRL.

Someone’s out to get me.

i know its just a tv show but...

OMG OMG OMG. someone from pasadena, california just arrived on our blog. that's right, city of THE BIG BANG THEORY.

my first thought was, 'Fricking hell, Sheldon Cooper might've visited OMB.'

but then... i reentered reality.

plus, the pasadenean read the emoticons post.

Or you could just watch TV

When you're bored and procrastinating, why not make a list of things to do when you're bored and procrastinating?  Some book recommendations:


Girly books - not necessarily focused on romance 


Dash and Lily's Book of Dares - David Levithan and Rachel Cohn
Paper Towns- John Green
This Lullaby - Sarah Dessen
On the Jellicoe Road - Melina Marchetta
Dreaming Of Amelia - Jaclyn Moriarty 
Wicked Lovely - Melissa Marr (there's actually a book trailer for this one which is sorta cool)
Matched - Ally Condie


Not so girly books (or generally books that everyone can read)


Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer
The Cherub Series - Robert Muchamore
Wolf Brother - Michelle Paver
Unwind - Neal Shusterman
Uglies - Scott Westerfield
The Bartimeus Trilogy - Jonathon Stroud


Okay so linking all the titles took a bit longer than I thought so now that i've wasted half an hour I think it might be time to get to those math problems.

OMG 2

Long awaited are we, but salvation comes in glorious waves for the thirsty, in artful prose for the appreciative, in heavy mascara tubes for the emo!

lolz.

and for futher entertainment, we define the Pees.

Paranoia - perfectly legitimate in today's society. especially after the invention of big macs, and those security cameras that seem to follow you everywhere, like the eyes of the mona lisa.

Punctuation - nonexistent. see: that one facebook friend who insists on writing not only in txt, but with no full stops, commas, respect for other people etc... also: "lets eat Grandpa". Tragic, really.

Perverse - the price of marijuana nowadays. "I remember a time when they used to throw it out by the pound, t'was so cheap. Even used it 'fer fire kindling. Always had the best campfire stories, we did," your Grandpa says. Lucky you didn't eat him eh? Since drugs make the meat all twangy.

Personal Space - The excuse you make as a fat, sweaty old guy tries to sit next to you on the bus. Which I could also have used as another 'p' word, you know. ;)

Perpetual Motion - your stomach, while on the loo, after you've eaten a dodgy taco.

Time to be paranoid

You see that little Feedjit thing?  It can tell us when you came onto our site, how you got here, what country you're in, what your operating system is, and what browser you use.  Not that we want to stalk you or anything, but just so you're aware - we know you were here.....

It's disturbing I know

On the topic of Greek myths, here's a particularly disturbing one.
We've all heard of the minotaur right?  Body of a human, head of a bull?  Yeah well how did the minotaur come to be?  That's right - bestiality!!
No joke, Minos was fighting with his brothers for the right to rule Crete, so he prayed to Poseidon the sea god to send him a white bull as a sign of approval.  Minos was supposed to sacrifice the bull in honour of Poseidon but he decided to keep it for himself.  Engraged, Poseiden made Minos's wife Pasiphae fall in love with the white bull....you can see where this is going can't you?
Pasiphae asked Daedalus (the guy who later built the labyrinth) to build her a hollow wooden cow for her so she could.....with the bull......nine months later, voila! Minotaur.
Great story huh?  Imagine reading that in kids myth and legend picture book when you were eight....


Also, I don't suppose you know the origins of Aphrodite the goddess of love and beauty?
Lets see, who was her father?  Well she didn't actually have one because when Zeus took over Mount Olympus from his father, he castrated him (that statement in itself proves how messed up mythology is).  Anyway, brace yourself.  After Zeus castrated his father he threw his genitals into the ocean - the foam and blood from which Aphrodite was born.....disturbing much? (that's where you see that famous painting of a blonde woman standing on a clam shell, floating to land?)


There's also a particularly disturbing story about the origin of the almond which perhaps i'll post later, though I do warn you, you'll never look at an almond the same way again.

that awkward moment when you go to cut the weeds and cut off your feet instead.

No, I'm serious. It happened in Greece. Quote:

"Lycurgus suffered for what he had done, since when he tried to cut down the vine which Dionysus had planted, he cut off one of his own feet instead."

Yeah. Not seeing how you could possibly do this. It's not like, a papercut where you sliced a bit of skin, right? That's understandable. But 'accidently' cutting off your own foot? And remember, this was in the days of no chainsaws or anything. He would have been using, what? A blunt knife???

And another story,

"..while Pentheus was mistaken for a lion by a wild band of Maenads, amongst whom was his mother Argave, and they caught him and tore him to pieces."

2 things I find incredibly stupid in this. First off, how do you not realise you're tearing up a man and not a lion? And then, by your own mother??

There's more too, only you can read about them yourselves in 'Tales of the Greek Heroes by Roger Lancelyn Green. Unless you want to stay sane.

OMG - a contemporary dictionary

That's right, I'm writing my own dictionary. Once a week, there will be 5 new entries. (btw OMG= of my generation, not actually amazingly shocking... although...)

This week's definitions:

Study Leave - Extended holidays

Underqualified - The majority of supermarket checkout operators

Beliebers - An unfortunate side effect of extended exposure to radiation in the 21st Century

Nutrients - That which is woefully lacking in KFC

Lacklustre - Your disappointment upon purchasing CZ earrings

Stay tuned for more: OMG Definitions!

WHY?!

It's just not right when you realise your little sister's hair looks a lot like Justin Beiber's.....

Some things in this world are just not okay.

An Epiphany.

I figured out that I don’t like homework because it’s work that I do at home.  I like homework because I like procrastinating, and I can’t really procrastinate if I haven’t got anything to put off till later.  And maybe also that adrenaline rush I get in the mornings when I do my homework super speedingly fast.

On another note.

You know that cool lil’ thing we have down there, the one that tells us who’s been visiting and where they’re from?  Yeah well lately I’ve been noticing this…

I’m sorry but are you all seriously Google-ing what happens when you drink dishwashing detergent?  And what even compels you to do such a thing?

“Oh I’m thirsty, let’s look in the fridge! … Milk, water, juice, Coke… Nahhh.  Let’s drink detergent instead!”

I mean seriously, who does that?  Or at least, WHY ARE THERE SO MANY OF YOU!?